Skydiver With Malfunctioning Parachute Does One Last Scan For Trampoline – The Onion


ORANGE, VA—Attempting To maintain calm regardless of his malfunctioning parachute, native skydiver Kevin Paris reportedly did one final scan Wednesday for a trampoline. “Hmm, okay let me see right here—maybe now that I’m nearer to Earth I can spot it,” said Paris, plunging by way of the air at Greater than 600 ft per second and taking a momentary break from attempting to untangle his parachute To hunt for a springy floor he Might be In a place to use To interrupt his fall. “Properly, shoot. It’s not wanting good So far. If solely Tright here have been two guys carrying a mattress out of a shifting truck. Tright here’s a trampoline, However it has youngsters on it. Maybe I’ll simply purpose for that picnic basket.” At press time, Paris had simply remembered he had a backup parachute earlier than hitting The underside.


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